A Bit Like Paulina
by randoom
Summary: Sam Manson always claimed to be very confident. At least most of the time. But even the strongest of souls can look in a mirror and see less than they might like.


Oneshot – A Bit Like Paulina?

Principally Samantha Manson was very confident with herself. She was a goth, and ultra-recyclo-vegetarian, an environmentalist, and didn't mind that everybody thought she was a freak. On the contrary, she thought that everyone else was an artificial failure.

Like already said, Sam was a kind of satisfied Goth – even if that was paradox. Perhaps she would be even happier if … if she was a little bit more like Paulina, or at least Star or Valerie.

At least that was her thought, when Sam looked into the mirror in her room, before she wanted to get dressed. Every day she stayed put at the mirror for some seconds and had these really, really depressing thoughts. Well, of course, depressing thoughts belonged to a live as Goth, but she couldn't be serious wishing to be Paulina. Could she?

Naturally, these disturbing thoughts made her feel everything else but confident.

Sam looked into this matter, while she began to comb her black coloured hair in front of the mirror. Perhaps if she brushed it more carefully or used different shampoo, it would look as shiny and curly as Paulina's. But would it change anything about her confidence in herself?

Sam pulled the hair off her forehead and neck and made it her everyday ponytail. Then she did her make-up. First some black eye liner, then some lilac lipstick – of course environmentally-friendly make-up. Today she drew an extra big cycle around her eyes to bother her mother. And it made her feel better. It wasn't like she got more beautiful by this, but thus she could hide the ugly natural cycle around her eyes. And it was not that Sam needed to be pretty. She had other strengths. Paulina always had a decent make-up and always looked adorable – it made Sam want to hurl – that was the reason everybody liked her. It was not like Paulina had much in her brain. She was not even funny or had other inner qualities.

But as Sam thought more about it, maybe it wouldn't be that awful to have both: Inner values and beauty. Maybe the attention she always got would be more positive then. It couldn't be so difficult to look a bit prettier. Maybe a healthier tint was all what she needed. Indeed, she really was pale, Sam noticed as she still looked in the mirror.

Bullshit. She already was one of the most tanned goths around, and it was not like a Paulina-like-tint could change anything.

Sam sighed.

It was hopeless. There was more to being pretty than just tanning.

Ready with getting her hair done, Sam went to her wardrobe now. Better to say: her small drawer. She couldn't peek inside her closet without being blinded by the colorful pink dresses her mum put in there, so she put all her black clothes in one drawer in order to avoid the wardrobe.

She took stockings, a skirt and a shirt out of the drawer. Everything was sized extra small. Sam sighed again. Many Girls would give everything for a "zero-size", but Sam would rather give much more for some female curves. She would give much, not everything: Meaning she would never stop playing sports or eat meat. But these were some possibilities to gain some fat for curves on her body. But even if she did... would it make her prettier? And even if she got prettier, who would care about that?

At last she laced up her boots. These shoes made her feel safe and comfortable. She could go everywhere with them, and they gave her some kind of protection.

Finished with dressing, Sam had a last look at herself in the mirror … and Samantha Manson froze for a moment.

The face in the mirror looked back with affliction in its eyes. Then it grimaced, twice. Finally it smiled. Better.

Sam was standing kind of confident in front of the mirror again. Simple to say: there was no chance she was like Paulina. And she never could be. Because where was the point in copying the most stupid girl in school? Was that really her wish?

Would it make such a big difference?

She wouldn't gain more positive attention...

Not this special attention she secretly longed for...

The kind of attention boys could give her. Boys like Danny, for example – Sam frowned because of this abstruse thought.

Would it really matter to him when she looked like Paulina? Would it change her own attitude toward him? No, she still would envy every girl he admired. She would be still afraid he might get a girlfriend all of a sudden. And she would still feel that warm, glowing thing inside her tummy when Danny'd smile to her a second too long, even if she – as Paulina – might have ten new boys smiling at her.

But at least they would still be friends.

Not a single thing would be different, just her outward appearance.

Because of that, Sam decided to continue being just Sam – at least for today, at least until tomorrow when she worried all over again looking in the mirror.

The second Sam wanted to leave the room, the laptop showed a new instant message. The video screen popped up and Danny Fenton smiled at her.

"Hey Sam. How long 've you been awake?"

"Quite a while.", Sam replied.

"Great. Tucker and me are seeing some movie today – after patrol of course. How 'bout you?"

"Sure."

"Cool. Later."

It was going to be a normal Saturday.


End file.
